Sunday, June 7, 2009

Testimony

Testimony:
Evidence in support of a fact or statement; proof.
Open declaration or profession, as of faith.
Usually, testimonies. the precepts of God.

I would like to thank the nine-year old boy who bore his simple and humble testimony today and reminded the congregation of what exactly a testimony is.

I would like to NOT thank the other 9 adults who bore their "Storymonies" today.

And I quote: (Excerpts taken from 3 of the 9 testimonies-but suffice it to say, they were all comparable)

"Living in a fifth wheeler wasn't something I ever imagined for myself"

"I never thought I would ever find my pet Ferret again"

" been renting down the street, now we are looking for a house in the neighborhood I guess this is where we want to stay"

"A testimony of the gospel is a personal witness borne to our souls by the Holy Ghost that certain facts of eternal significance are true and that we know them to be true. Such facts include the nature of the Godhead and our relationship to its three members, the effectiveness of the Atonement, and the reality of the Restoration.

"A testimony of the gospel is not a travelogue, a health log, or an expression of love for family members. It is not a sermon. President Kimball taught that the moment we begin preaching to others, our testimony is ended." Elder Dallin H. Oaks


I'm no testimony snob. I've been known to share an experience or two from the pulpit but come on-I just want the truth plain and simple and under 10 minutes. Ya know, back in the day after the pioneers arrived to the valley, there was actually a rule regulating those who could share their testimonies: only those who personally knew the prophet Joseph Smith. Today would have been a great day to reinstate that rule.

Can I get an AMEN?!!!!


13 comments:

Brian Bullock said...

A Freakin' Men Sister!!!!!!!!

Anonymous said...

I can't even go anymore because it causes me too much anxiety. seriously.

Kerri said...

I wasn't there yesterday--but I definitely enjoy the true testimonies rather than the travelogs and stories, etc. The most powerful testimonies in my mind are the young kids who truly only share their testimony

Erickson Family said...

Two stories come to mind:
1. my favorite testimony quote, "I feel like a hooker sweating in church!!" Then the little girl behind me was asking her mom what a hooker was!! NICE ONE!
2. A wife who was so glad that her husband finally got that scrotum surgery. It was very scary and they were thankful for everyones prayers... right away her husband gets up to proceed with his testimony and inform the congregation that he had surgery on his STERNUM!!
Tam ~ We missed you guys yesterday! Love you!

Anonymous said...

boy, can you ever get a huge-bad-'a'-shut-the-'h'-up-people-this-isn't-therapy type of AMEN! i dread fast sundays as people seem to have forgotten decorum and the idea of privacy regarding, even, their own lives. our viral video/stupid reality show culture seems to have obliterated the line of what is acceptable for public consumption and i pine, daily, for the days when only your closest friend knew these things about you because it was embarrassing being $400,000 in debt (actual testimony), or having 'farting problems' (again, actual… and, really, we all knew anyway), or working out your daddy/mommy issues (many actual testimonies).

i say we start a group in each ward - sort of like the 'spanish inquisition' group of python fame. when someone starts on a rail about something inappropriate or runs long regarding their dog's mainge, a group of three or four arronic priesthood, members in red robes and pan hats, runs up the aisle and, proclaiming 'no one ever expects the testimony acquisition! we have two duties: to save the hearts and minds of the ward from fast sunday meeting overindulgence and, two, to carry you, gagged and bound, to the cry room for the duration!'

…… i think it could work… well, a boy can dream, can't he?

Anonymous said...

btw… great song! one of my faves from her!

lisa said...

AMEN! We recently had a meeting where one sister asked the ward to please pray that her mother would die soon! Granted, she is 100+ years old, but seriously...AWKWARD, especially for the poor soul assigned to the closing prayer. Then, in the same meeting a woman got up and said she had seen the Bishop getting his hair cut and she was happy he was able to get a head massage (which he swears he's never had)because with all his stress he needs it. His face...classic! I was sitting with his wife and she was horrified and dumbfounded.

Sara Sargent Williams said...

First of all, AMEN!!! Secondly - the wrong person from your ward will read this and you are going to be in big, fat trouble! Thirdly, reading this blog entry and the comments about it today has vastly improved my life and there was even a mild spit laugh.... literally!

Watsonville said...

I couldn't agree with you more. Although our experience yesterday warrents an entire post for that one as well. What do you do when a traveling youth ballroom dance team shows up at your church and takes up the ENTIRE testimony meeting about their close bond and love for the dance. Not one single person from that ward was able to bare their testimony. And to pour lemon juice on a wound, it went 10 min over!

Unknown said...

This testimony meeting that we went to was not in our ward, so we will not get in trouble with anyone.

Sonya said...

Hey Tam, you make me laugh! One of the most memorable meetings I attended a few years ago I will title, "American Idol Testimony." This dear sister proceeded to "sing" her testimony in a song that she made up - both the words and the tune - I think entirely on the spot. I kept hearing the voice of Simon in my head saying, "That was the WORST performance I have ever seen or heard in my life!" And it was.

Nancee said...

The comments on this blog post have made today my best day so far this week. Except ... hey ... ferrets can be super spiritual, Tam.

Laurel said...

i've loved the comments as much as the post.

and yes...AMEN.(and i'm all for the addition of the inquisition!)