The PATRIOT has it ALL

So a few weeks ago the Tribune ran an add for a FREE bottle of ALL laundry detergent. We responded to the add and were told a "representative" would bring it by if we would agree to a short presentation on a vacuum.

"Phil" (name has been changed to protect the innocent) came to our home at 6:50 with the detergent as promised, a vacuum and several other boxes, gadgets and whohaa's that would aid in the sale of this incredible vacuum.

He began his shpeel and it was most impressive-especially the part where he vacuumed our living room floor and then showed us what it picked up- (after all this was his "bring it home-hit them below the belt-you will increase your life expectancy as well as the life of your entire family-how have you gone this long without one" moment) and as you would expect, we realized what our lame vacuum wasn't doing. He showed us the refuse and I'm pretty sure amidst the dust, carpet fibers and glitter I saw a small family of trolls.

OK, OK so it was an amazing vacuum and I was impressed. Although the cynical side of me kept trying to find a flaw in his presentation or the vacuum itself. I asked questions and you would have thought I had just moved from Passamaquoddy where my best friend was a dragon and I had just been sold some crazy miracle juice.

But alas, the vacuum prevailed and I was convinced that my life would indeed be better should I own the Patriot Home Defense System. Phil had been schooled in the art of presenting and in the knowledge and use of this fine vacuum-actually after seeing what it could do, calling it a mere vacuum was simply an insult.

So after we (and Phil) were amply satisfied with what he had done (and 2 hours later) he told us what it would take to get one in our home.

ME: "I'm sorry how much did you say it was? I thought I heard you say $3, 330 dollars. . . oh you did. Oh but today you are running a special...$2,780 but that doesn't include the filter or the service contract. . .I see."
HIM: "It may seem like a lot but it is an investment in your health and in the long run it will be much cheaper than paying for inst-care visits or buying medicine for colds."
JIM: "My kids rarely get sick. We just make sure that they go to bed early and get plenty of rest and I'm not an impulse buyer. We won't be buying one"

What I wanted to say was : "Look mister-When a loaf of bread looks like a banquet these days, I got no right buying a $3,300 vacuum. Your machine may suck but so does your price."

But I didn't say that, instead I offered him some tomatoes from our garden and nearly shed a tear or two after he told me that he was recently married supporting three kids and that he had just returned from Iraq -

God Bless the USA!

SOLD!

We bought one!

OK not really but do you know anyone who does? I just feel so bad for the guy-seriously!