Armageddon 101

Today was our first of four installments of "Armageddon 101"

This is a weekly class that my all wise and all knowing mother has agreed to teach to my friends and me. Whoda thunk that "Pipe Down" (pet name for my mom from a few of my friends taken from a hilarious family story which I will tell another time) would be standing in my kitchen offering her pearls of wisdom on all things canning, food storage and preparedness when not 5 years ago the only thing that worried me about the second coming was if I would still be a virgin or not.

TMI? maybe but it really is the truth!

So what did we learn today?

Installment #1: bottling your own chicken

Eww sick!

Looking-Yes

Tasting-NO!

Go ahead and mock but I can assure you that when a natural disaster strikes-people will be begging me for my meat.
While they are foraging for food my family will be feasting on powdered potatoes, canned green beans and London Broil...in a bottle.

Yup... here's a look at next weeks course:

Sister Wives

If you haven't yet watched this fine Television program-you might want to.
If you haven't lived it.. you might want to try that too.
I have.
I am.
And here's my story

How's that for Drama. It's my intro when my life becomes a mini-series to rival only "Thorn Birds" Or "V". But not the recent"V" the "V" from the 80's that had us so enthralled on Sunday nights sitting as a family in our jammies with a bowl full of chocolate ice cream and milk poured over the top-to give it that crystaly? effect.

Anywho...

For the past few months, my good friend H.B. (to protect the innocent) has been coming over a couple of times a week. She has triplets that are the same age as Lilly.
They play well together-or so we think. We have sort of a "Don't ask Don't tell" policy while they are here. It usually works for us... well, up until they decide to pull all 50 or so of the alphabetized VHS tapes off the shelves and then scatter them all over the basement floor. Serves us right for having video tapes. Good thing they weren't laser discs because those things break so easily.

So she comes over and we get things done.
She grades papers.
I run errands.
She runs errands.
We watch episodes of our favorite shows that we have DVR'd
We make delicious lunches.
We make treats.
We do the daily crossword in the paper.
We talk about current events and engage in healthy debates (well not really debates, she's too smart to be bested by me. Some day. Some day.)
We craft.
We make menu's for the week.
We swap recipes.
We fold laundry.
She helps Kirst with homework while I cook dinner.
We finish up projects once started but not motivated enough on our own to complete.

I think Shel Silverstein would have written it best:

HB and me
Me and HB
I have one
She has Three
Together we are as happy as can be!

However...Our fundamental difference from the show: we don't share a husband.

In the words of my wise and highly sensitive husband..."why would i want to make 2 women unhappy?"

that girl can sing!

I know she's my sister and all -

BUT....DANG!

She sure can sing!

http://www.coverstruck.com/video/index.html?v=NxCk5p461

What the?

How's this for a random allergic reaction to who know's what?!

All I had for breakfast was a grapefruit

AND it got fatter throughout the day

I went to the K-mart pharmacy to pick up a prescription

I asked the pharmacist if he thought Benadryl would help my lip

"Help? You might want to see a physician about that....and soon. You might be experiencing the beginning phase of Bell's Palsy"

Bells' Palsy? For reals?

NOT my Best. Day. EVER.





Really...Bell's Palsy?!

My recipe tonight called for red wine

I went to the local liquor store and bought some

I stood in line and patiently waited my turn

I exchanged smiles with other patrons (and that's an entire post in and of its self!)

My turn came and.............she asked to see my I.D.

Best. Day. Ever!






She asked to see my I.D.!

THEY'RE HEEEEEERE!

My life.
My love.
My reason for living.
MY ALL!

An entire case of thin mints. I love that Jim bought an entire case without consulting me first-because he knows. Who needs a surprise bouquet of flowers of even jewelery. My man surprises me with the thin mints.

Jim thought it would be a good idea to freeze them and eat them throughout the year. And if by "throughout the year" he meant until roughly next week-I concur.

The Horror!!!

Human Hair

It's amazing what one can do with a pair of "First Aid" Scissors
(and 15 minutes to kill)

Pretty sure you can guess where this is going....

"Shear" Genius that Lilly-

There's no contending- She's got skills...


If you were going for the Appalachian/backwoods "ma just done' give me a hair cut with her army knife-pass me another piece of beef jerky and a beer" look.

So I did what any mother would do at 9:00 p.m. knowing we have her "Little Gym" class at 9:30 a.m. the next day... I trimmed it up and threw on a bow.





Not bad. Not bad at all. My favorite part...when I started cutting she started crying and said, "I'm going to look like a boy." And when I finished she looked in the mirror, started to cry again and said through her tears: "I look like Justin Beaver!"

If only Lill...If only.